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1Azoth (Completed) Empty Azoth (Completed) Sat Sep 20, 2014 10:58 am

Azoth

Azoth

   Azoth (Completed) Lkjlkj10
   __________________________________________________
   "You're Magic is a curse to this very world!"
   

Name(s): Azoth Gravestorm
Nickname(s): The Blood Storm
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Birthday: July 7th, X762
Sexuality: Straight
Class: Cleric
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Rank: A
Guild: Blue Pegasus
Guild Tattoo: Black, Upper Right Arm, just beneath the shoulder
Face Claim: Archer - Fate Stay Night

II. APPEARANCE

Height: 6'3"
Weight: 210 Lbs.
Hair: White, Short
Eyes: Black
General Appearance: Azoth has a strong build that makes him stand out in a crowd. To counter his large stature he wears dark clothing. It doesn't do much to hide his frame but he likes it. He wears a dark grey v-neck shirt that hugs his muscled torso. The front of his shirt holds a logo a red logo, that looks like some kind of rune. His pants are black made from a material that is soft but strangely durable. Both his shirt and pants are trimmed with a blood red. To finish off his clothing, he wears a long coat that holds a bunch of small pockets on the inside that allows him to store and hides things.
Extra: His eyes become red as he taps into his well of magic.
Shirt Logo:

III. PERSONALITY

Personality: Azoth is very laid back and calm for the most part, taking everything as it comes and never over reacting to any situation. Liking to joke around with those that he comes across and taunt his enemies, Azoth usually takes control of situations though his cunning and charismatic attitude. Though Azoth is able to relate to people, he makes very few real bonds with those he meets. Though he may not have many close friends, if your do become his friend he'll do basically anything to help you out.

Azoth is not one to run from a fight when something he cares for is in danger. Strong and cunning, Azoth puts both to use to fight any opponent that would threaten him. In battle his attitude changes almost completely, fierce and focused. Every move he makes calculated to move him into his next move. Though he may still look easy going and taunt his enemy, his every thought is about what he was going to do next. Though he knows there are those out there that are stronger than him, Azoth wants to fight them even more than normally due to there strength. He believes that either win or lose, he'll have learned something form the exchange.
Likes:

  • Woman
  • Food
  • Money
  • The Dark

Dislikes:

  • Noisy people
  • Seafood - hates the smell and he's allergic to eating it
  • Being Bored
  • Losing a fight

Motivations: Azoth believes that there is magic in the world that is essentially evil. Not so much that people that use it themselves are evil, but that the magic has made them so. He is devote in going about identifying such magic and destroying all traces of it. This means destroying all texts about it, all users of it, and wiping out all knowledge about such magic.
Fears:

  • Becoming corrupted by magic
  • Losing all his power.


Positive Traits:

  • Blindsight (+4): Using senses such as acute hearing and sensitivity to vibrations, you detect the location of opponents who are no more than five feet away from you. Darkness and Invisibility are irrelevant, though you cannot detect non corporeal beings.
    Explanation: Self Explanatory.
  • Enhanced Strength (+3): Your character is slightly stronger than other characters when it comes to physical strength.
    Explanation: You are capable of doing C Ranked damage with all melee attacks. This is not added to spells in any form.
  • Swift (+3): You are fleet of foot. When running, you move three times your normal speed.
    Explanation: You have a passive C Rank speed buff at all times.


Negative Traits:

  • Daredevil (-2): You only really feel alive when you're staring death in the face. Your character is addicted to the thrill of death-defying stunts, pushing themselves to the limit at every available opportunity.
    Explanation: You can't refuse the opportunity of engaging into combat with anyone or anything that is stronger than you. You also always volunteer and perform tasks that have a risk attached to them when you are in a group.
  • Derangement/Insanity (-3): (If there are a group of items, they must always be an even number. If he sees 9 glass he'll find another or break one so that its even. Numbers themselves don't bother him but items must always be in even groups.) Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are permanently insane. You may have a congenital brain disorder, or perhaps you saw something mortals were never intended to lay eyes upon, and it drove you mad. Choose a Derangement/Insanity for your character from the lists below. Though the list is by no means exhaustive, the following options are ones that have been presented in game terms and that have definable--and most times numerical--penalties.
    Compulsions: The character insists on performing ritual actions, such as touching a doorway at left, right, and top before passing through it. Though she may agree that the actions are senseless, the need to perform them is overpowering.
    Explanation: The character must do their compulsion, regardless of adverse affects--including bodily harm.
  • Greedy (-1): Money makes your eyes light up with joy. The more, the merrier, as long as it spends. Once in a while, whenever you're divvying up shares of the loot, being offered a hefty bribe, or catching wind of some fabulous treasure, the flaw can to convince you to grab for as much money as possible.
    Explanation: You may act differently when money comes into play.
  • Hedonistic (-1): You love a good time. You party too much, drink too much, and eat too much. You have trouble resisting an invitation to join someone in a drink and sometimes shirk your duty if offered a more enjoyable time elsewhere. Whenever a good time is presented you let your guard down. You're also not capable to resist seduction of any sort. It's just not in your nature to resist such opportunities.
    Explanation: You always give in when a good time is offered such as drinks, women and other things. Even in the midst of a dangerous raid through a castle you decide to stay in the room that has wine and beautiful girls in them even though they could be monsters.
  • Overconfident (-1): Nothing is beyond your capabilities. If you wanted, you could defeat the best swordsman in the world; you just haven't had any reason to do so yet. And surely that chasm isn't too wide for you to leap across.
    Explanation: You are easily goaded, and anyone attempting to taunt you will succeed.
  • Amnesia (-1): You are unable to remember anything about your past, yourself, or your family. Your life is a blank slate. However, your past may someday come back to haunt you. The rest of the flaws you pick are unknown to your character; over the course of your progress, your character will slowly discover them.
    Explanation: You can't refer to anything about your past. The rest of your flaws or not nulled by this characteristic but rather unknown to your character.
  • Allergies (-1): (Allergy to Seafood) You are afflicted with allergies. These may be something as simple as hay fever, but the reactions to such will result in something like a huge bout of sneezing and gasping. You must mention this allergy in your character application.
    Explanation: Whenever this allergy comes into play you must suffer the consequences. The allergy must be something that can actually come and not something strange and unique.


IV. MAGIC

Magic: Energy Thaumaturge
Caster or Holder: Caster
Description: For centuries this magic has been sought after for its unique traits. This magic gives the user to manipulate the energy all around themselves. It allows them to create spells that both deal damage and shield the user from damage made from pure energy. By combining the energy he gathers with magic of other wizards that is energy based, the user of this magic can effect the magic.  This magic has no elemental affinity to it though its appearance looks like a blood red lighting.  
Strengths:

  • No elemental affinity so it's not weak against any other element
  • Manipulating Energy to make creatures or spells that do high damage.
  • Effect Energy in the body for different effects. Like causing weakness in strength or speed.

Weaknesses:

  • No elemental affinity so it's not strong against any other element
  • To affect another person's body, there must be direct skin to skin contact. So no Debuffing or buffing without making physical contact.


V. HISTORY

History: Azoth never knew his birth parents, nor did he ever find out where he came from. His earliest memory was of his master, an old wise man that was something of a monk or spiritual guide. Whatever he was, the old man had gone to Azoth's home and picked him up from his parents. Azoth was to be his disciple, the one that was to take over his mission and his magic to keep the world from plunging into darkness. The training was intense but his master was kind and patient with the young Azoth. From the nurturing Azoth's understanding of Magic grew as did his body.

Years passed and the young child grew in strength in both body and mind. His grasp on the magic increased and his Master was pleased with his progress. One day in about his eighteenth year of life, his Master work him from sleep and had him follow him. They walked for hours from the small hut in the woods that Azoth had called home. Those hours turned into days, the two having very little interactions with each other. His master had told the teenager that he should take this time to reflect on what he learned.

The trek finally ended after nearly a weeks worth of walking. Ending at the top of a high cliff over looking a small village. "Here is where I leave you," the old man that had raised him had a deep sadness in his eyes as he looked at his young disciple. "What?!?" Azoth was shocked. Being with his master was all he knew. Over his entire life he had very few interactions with any other people and now he was being ditched by the man that had raised him. "Wait, you can't just leave me here, what about the mission. You said you were raising me to take your place." A small sad smile hinted its way onto the old man's face, "I'm sorry Azoth but this is how it has to be." The old man placed a hand on the side of Azoth's face and suddenly the world went dark for the young man.

Azoth's eyes opened and he looked around. He couldn't remember what he was doing there, in fact he couldn't remember much at all. Standing he looked down at the village below him. Though he couldn't remember anything about his past, there was three things he could still recall from his childhood. He remembered his name, his magic and most of he remembered his mission. He would rid the world of those accursed magics and those that practiced them.




Last edited by Azoth on Mon Sep 22, 2014 12:00 am; edited 7 times in total

2Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sat Sep 20, 2014 5:18 pm

Ichiro Aihara

Ichiro Aihara
Hi, I'm Ichiro, and I'm going to be the mod grading your app.

For starters, I don't think you copied the template properly. A lot of the headings, subheadings and categories are not bolded properly. I have the code for the template here:
Code:
[center]
    (Character image here, do not stretch the page, max width 500 px)
    __________________________________________________
    [i]"Personal quote can be placed here"[/i]
    [/center]
<div style=" text-align:justify; padding: 20px 50px 20px 50px;">
[b]Name(s):[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Nickname(s):[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Age:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Sex:[/b] (Male/Female)
[b]Birthday:[/b] (Check out the year we're in and deduct your age from it to determine the year you were born in. Note as day/month/year)
[b]Sexuality:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Class:[/b] (Pick one of the character classes: Mystic, Scavenger etc.)
[b]Alignment:[/b] (Determines your character's behavior. In all times you must behave like the given alignment to your character.)
[b]Rank:[/b] (Everyone starts out as D-class)
[b]Guild:[/b] (What guild do you belong to?)
[b]Guild Tattoo:[/b] (Where is your tattoo located?)
[b]Face Claim:[/b] (Which character did you pick for your appearance and what show is it from? Fill in as Name - Show.)

[b]II. APPEARANCE[/b]

[b]Height:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Weight:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Hair:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]Eyes:[/b] (Self explanatory)
[b]General Appearance:[/b] (Include their body type, clothing etc. This should be at least 75 words.)
[b]Extra:[/b] (Anything noteworthy to mention again? Put it here. Such as sunglasses, scars, piercings, eye-patches.)

[b]III. PERSONALITY[/b]

[b]Personality:[/b] (Requires at least 200 words.)
[b]Likes:[/b] (At least 4. It is not required to into detail. Use the list code to fill this in.)
[b]Dislikes:[/b] (At least 4. It is not required to into detail. Use the list code to fill this in.)
[b]Motivations:[/b] (What drives your character?)
[b]Fears:[/b] (What does your character fear? At least two fears. No bullshit fears. They should be realistic. Use the list code to fill this in.)
[b]Positive Traits:[/b] (In total your points must remain at 0, this means that you can pick positive special characteristics as long as you have enough negatives to compensate for them and bring your total to 0. Use the list code to fill this in. Only use the characteristics from the rules.)
[b]Negative Traits:[/b] (The negative special characteristics compensate for your positive ones to bring your total to 0. Use the list code to fill this in. Only use the characteristics from the rules.)

[b]IV. MAGIC[/b]

[b]Magic:[/b] (The name of your magic)
[b]Caster or Holder:[/b] (Is your magic a caster-type or holder-type? Holder means that the magic is used through an item.)
[b]Description:[/b] (Give a detailed description about your magic.)
[b]Strengths:[/b] (What are the strengths of your magic? Be sure to list the honest strengths here, otherwise we might deny future spells if they weren't mentioned before as capabilities of your magic.)
[b]Weaknesses:[/b] (What are the weaknesses of your magic? Be sure to list the honest weaknesses here. Do not give us a bs weakness. The magic should have its flaws so it could be countered somehow, whether it's some elements or something else.)

[b]V. HISTORY[/b]

[b]History:[/b] (At least 400 words)

</div>

Just copy and paste your stuff into that exact template. In addition, add a graphic of your character and a personal quote under it. Make sure to follow the rules about the size.

Now on to the actual body of the application.

I'd like to point out a few things, to set stuff straight first.


  • You did not add a nickname. This stuff may seem unimportant, but it is still required. It doesn't have to be a version of your character's name, but it can be an epithet (.ie The Fire King, The Dragon, The Heartless)
  • You did not state your guild tattoo color. This is not optional either.
  • In your traits section, you did not state the following things which are also not optional:

    • Derangement; Compulsions: State what your compulsion is.
    • Allergy: State what your allergic reaction is.


  • Your magic is, for lack of a better way to say this, extremely overpowered.

    • First off, remove the part about being able to manipulate other people's spells if they are energy based. This is considered Gmodding, and concepts like this are banned.
    • Also, you cannot manipulate other characters' magic energy, for the same reason as the above.
    • You cannot manipulate other characters' bodies. Remove that, please.




Fix these and bump when you have done so.

3Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:06 pm

Azoth

Azoth
Alright I made the changes

4Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:15 pm

Ichiro Aihara

Ichiro Aihara
You still haven't changed the magic section. From what I can tell, it looks exactly the same as it was before. However, personality and such is fine and history is fine. But as I stated before, that magic of yours is too overpowered to be used fairly.

Edit it and bump when you've done so.

5Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sun Sep 21, 2014 8:15 pm

Imogen Aeneid

Imogen Aeneid
I'd like to review your magic:

To begin, the idea of using energy as your magic is fine. There is no issue there. You are free to use the energy around you to create creatures, shields etc.
The issue with your magic is that as of right now, buffing and de-buffing spells cannot affect another mage's spells. You are free to buff or de-buff the mage themselves with your spells (i/e: de-buff your opponent's speed or buff your ally's strength) but not the spells.

The maximum number of buff/de-buff spells a non-buff/de-buff mage may have in his arsenal is 3, regardless of rank. If this is something that you wish to have, please be aware of this limit.

If you want to exclusively use buff or debuff spells you may choose to do so, but you will not have the offensive and defensive aspects of your magic as described.

Please choose one of these options to edit your magic.

Bump when completed.

6Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sun Sep 21, 2014 9:47 pm

Azoth

Azoth
I fixed it

7Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:27 pm

Imogen Aeneid

Imogen Aeneid
Alright. Looking much better:

-Now just fix your list code for your weaknesses.
-Also include that because your magic is non-elemental that you do not have a specific strength over any other magic in your weakness section.
-Quick question: is the physical contact rule relevant to buffs as well? Or just debuffs? If it does, please include this in the weakness section as well.

Also, on a general note, please add a last name for your character.

Bump when edited. :)

8Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Mon Sep 22, 2014 12:00 am

Azoth

Azoth
Bumping this up

9Azoth (Completed) Empty Re: Azoth (Completed) Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:32 am

Imogen Aeneid

Imogen Aeneid
Alright, this looks good to me. Approved.

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